Time of the month? More like Time of the life!

My good friends, I’m not even going to bother apologising for being away because I am sure it’d just sound cheesy. Mattie told me my blog was boring the other day. I was horrified (rolls eyes, as if I didn’t know that already).

Anyway, I am sure, having read the title of this post, you’ll either assume I’m in pain or I am having so much fun. I’m afraid it’s none. I should be packing the fun in but my friends have decided to be unspontaneous, uninstinctive, unimpulsive damp rags requiring 5 weeks notice for every planned activity…but wait, that is not the topic for today.

It happened early on this week. I went to purchase (hmmmn…I like that word) a gift for our keyboardist. Let me explain, our keyboardist used to be a really nice guy. I liked him a lot because he was always there when I needed him. You know, he was one of those guys that the English describe as a ‘really nice bloke’ and all that. He was always easy to work with, helpful, friendly and most importantly he was always compliant. If we had to have singing practice and notice was short, I could always get him to make time for us, somehow, and me being the Major General that I am, I maximised his availability. But in typical fashion, all good things come to an end and alas! he’s not so nice anymore… at least not to me. Why, you ask? Wait for it… Apparently, he has accused me of being one of those people who only call when they need something… (But, that is soooo not me, or is it? Am I really like that?) It’s so bad now, this brother has not picked up any of my calls for the last 2 weeks. It’s really upsetting…

Back to the story, so I went to purchase a gift for him and his wife (you thought he was single, didn’t you). She had a baby some three weeks ago so I thought we (singing group) would get him a gift. So come Monday, I carried myself to some baby shop; I think it was puny people or was baby gurgles, something like that sha… Ehen, pumpkin patch! That’s it. I got to the shop at about mid afternoon and began perusing, and as I did that, I started getting this very warm fuzzy feeling from my leg upwards. It seemed to exacerbate when I went close to the cute white baby grows (I think that’s what they are called) and the tiny winy baby socks…oh my goodness, those tiny socks brought me close to tears (altogether now, awwwwwww). There were all sorts, little tiny pink dresses, cute white dungarees with teddy bears all over them, baby blue sleep suits, pink baby playsuits, I felt like buying up the entire contents of the shop.

After about 15mins of perusing and the warm feeling persisting, I strolled out of the shop for some fresh air, I mean, something must have been wrong, right? Why was I feeling all emotional and gooey all of a sudden? Perhaps the store was low on oxygen. I was back in, in less than a minute and I looked some more, caressing the woolly bibs and hats. I picked many items, couldn’t make my mind up and so swapped them for other items, and then I would dropped those, caress some more even softer baby stuff and start the process all over. At one point, a white fluffy baby shirt fell. I sucked my breath and recoiled in horror and then I rescued it, brushing off all the germs with as much energy as I could muster ( I mean, you wouldn’t want that on a baby now, would you?). So after what felt like 15mins but was really 45min in Pumpkin patch, I made my way, with two baby outfits held gingerly, to the cashier. There were 2 cashiers and they were staring at me very oddly. I still can’t figure out why? Needless to say, I spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about babies and then, as if things weren’t bad enough, an old colleague came in with her cute 3 month old. The little one was so cute with large gray eyes and the friendliest smile ever. I think she liked me cos she kept on playing clapping games (oh, you wouldn't understand) and the fuzzy feeling, which was dying down albeit very slowly, returned and stayed put. It’s been a week and I am still thinking of babies.

My dilemma now is, I have to give the ‘gifts’ to the Keyboardist tomorrow and I don’t want to. I want to be the one dressing a baby up and wiping its dribbles with soft white bibs. I want to rub some baby oil into its hair and then, put on a sun hat, I want to dress him up in the navy green dungarees, with him smelling all fresh. I want to coo and coo and coo while he giggles and gurgles contently…

Now my question is, what is wrong with me? I have never quite felt like this before. Do you recognise these symptoms and if you do can you prescribe a cure for this ailment, Please hit me up at corallo@hotmail.com

Many thanks,