On the Popo, Politics and the cats...

Hello there...

It feels like I ain't been here in a while.

First things first, Desolaaaaaaaaaa!?! Hmmmnnnnnn, I'm warning you oh!

Okay, so quite a few things have been happening lately...

Firstly, I done done it again. I managed to do 'something' whilst driving and this 'something' pissed the British (Transport) Police off big time. What I did wasn't that bad, really plus I know many peeps who did 'it' and got away with it. But nooooooo...it wouldn't be true to form, if Coral got away with it. After I did 'it' I put on my innocent-I-didn't-quite-realise-I-shouldn't-be-doing-this face but that had no effect whatsoever on the bald bobby who pulled me over. Matter of fact he promptly rewarded (read punished) yours truly with points annnnd a fine!!!! You know, I don't know what it is with me and driving these days but I must admit, it hasn't been going very well of late. When I'm not nudging fellow drivers, I'm acrruing points or disobeying (unintentionally, of course) traffic laws. I have a good mind to sell up my car and stick to the good ol' tube but then again, the thought of spending 2 hours each way on 'cattle cargo ship' does not sit well with me right now. Plus I'd have to walk to the train station in the big freeze that arrived last week or thereabouts. Nahhhhh....I think not.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

In other news, I'm sure you've noticed I have a link to Donald Duke's blog. It's only there because in the last 2 or 3 months, I have become something of a fanatic of his visions and aspirations. So of course I was following the PDP selection process in the lead up to the primaries and so forth. For some reason, I felt confident that PDP in their desire to retain power would naturally choose\vote Donald as their lead candidate seeing that he has a proven track record and is by far the most 'enlightened' candidate they had. For a minute, I forgot about the mentality of power rotations and zoning, of selection rather than election, of historical relationships rather than merit, of power rather than judicious processes. Needless to say, I was rudely awoken by Donald's 'decision' to 'step down' and of course it emerged very quickly that Uncle 'Yar' had been endorsed by 'Big father' and so merit was thrown out of the window.

To say I was saddened is an understatement, not least because Donald was not chosen but because of the unabashed way in which our oligarchic 'fathers' for the umpteenth time, displayed contempt for 'democracy', contempt 'for those doing the right thing', and in many respects 'contempt for its children'. If this is the modus operandi of PDP, I wonder why should they be voted in? Why should we respect them when they clearly have no respect for us? It bothers me to no end that the 'mentality of wrong' is the 'right' in Nigeria. I mean how do you begin to effect a mentality shift?

And so as a young Nigerian, with a passion to see Nigeria progress and take its rightful place in history, I ask...'what can we do to change things? 'As individuals where can we help?'. As the young generation, collectively 'where can we effect change?'

If you do read this...Be sure to leave a comment...

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Unto lighter things, Miss Havisham's cats (yeah yeah, I know, its a bit of an obsession but this woman entertains me, lol) are gone on holidays? Wha? I haven't been on holidays for months and the cats are gone on holidays. Hmmmph! I'm not envious, why should I be? Apparently, the cats aren't allowed to walk when they are off on holidays...well at least until they get to their destination. They have to be carried. Long hissssssssss...

Anyway, before I disappear, I'd like to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year. Don't forget the true meaning behind the celebrations. It ain't changed. Its still all about Jesus...Jesus the son of God, yes, the One to whom I am now pleading with that He makes the Police lose my details...Are you laughing? A sista gats to try! Lol.

How random can random get?

Can there be any justification for being up at 2.00am on a Saturday morning reading peoples blogs? I mean, shouldn't I be out like other girls my age dancing the night away? or be on the phone entertaining sweet nothings? I don't get this.

So I'm sat here feeling very mellow, smiling to myself whilst reading date's and Alaye's blogs. I'm also thinking as we say in Nigeria "we women don suffer sha!" Ahn ahn? Sigh, I've got to admit tho, I find those boys' blogs quite entertaining...

Anyway back to this mellow feeling...Can somebody tell me, is this the way people on crack feel? It's little wonder they are addicted. It feels a bit like I'm floating on a bed of clouds or about to fly or something similar. The feeling is indescribable. Could I have done some 'e's' without my knowledge? I was at Uni today afterall. I swear all I did today was have 2 cans of redbull and ribena. Actually, come to think about it, perhaps this is the reason those mad men drivers kept on flashing and hooting at me whilst I was driving back from school on Britain most famous (read traffic jam, accident-a-minute) motorway. Perhaps I was driving in the middle of two lanes. Hmmmmmn. I am worried now. If you don't hear from me within the next week, just know I am utilising my right to use the NHS... at least that way I know why I am paying such hefty taxes.

See this is why I don't even bother drinking. I just know if I did, I would be the girl who gets on top of the table and starts dancing so vigorously her weave piece falls off. Honastly! Hmmph! Imagine that. My girls'll probably slink right out of the door (well at least T2 will) and the Pastor will probably take me through series of deliverance sessions on the next church day. Lol.

In case you were wondering, 2 red bulls is what happens when a girl has 2 days to hand in her assignment and it ain't finished and as for the ribena...well... it just is.

Meet the girls...Part 2

Nonny

Hmmn. The first thing you notice about Nonny is the way she is surrounded by an uncanny aura of peace. How she fakes it, only God knows. Ah mean, you would think this girl was a saint. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that she comes with a million dollar smile, is very affable and has an extraordinary ability to listen. I hear she got tired of listening to T2 who we will come to in a minute. Nonny should have been Bri’ish through and through (as in never lived any significant part of her life in Nigeria) but she had the ‘good fortune’ of meeting Jay, T1, T2 and some more of us, consequently Nonny is now more Nigerian than of us put together. (As an aside, I hear my Uni had a recruitment stand at Murtala Mo’mmed).

Nonny and I go back a long way, High school as a matter of fact. Under standard temperature and pressure the girl is sensible; however she does have a mad streak that gives no warning before it seeps out. Ah mean, she left me traumatized at age 17 when she put her finger up my nostril! (Gross? I concur.) Her mad streak also comes out on the dancefloor, this girl can mooove. Yep, if it got a tune then Nonny is bussing a move.

Nonny can be very odd too. She does strange things like not picking up her phone during the week altho’ she’d happily tell you of the conversations she’s had with her numerous admirers which always happen to be during the week. She was also obsessed with her hair at one point but she has calmed a little now. A few years back, Nonny would stand in front of the mirror for an hour at a time at the least and she’d lovingly caress her hair, brush it every which way, and then stroke it, then ruffle it, flick it, straighten it and then start the process all over again. I used to fear for her mental health then…

But now that I think about it, Nonny is reasonably normal, she’s the one everyone goes to when they need a shoulder to cry on, she’s the patient and the kind one who does her best not hurt anyone’s feelings, she gives good advice and she can be quite entertaining. She’s also my party buddy, my travel buddy, my moan-about-life buddy, my feel-good buddy, my dancing buddy. In fact, Nonny’s cool.

T2

T2 is the crunch, the climax, the crescendo, the eruption, you name it and you can call her it. I haven’t given her these names because she’s the closest to me, oh no! T2 is simply drama queen extraordinaire. She has flair for bringin’ the drama on. Normal people walk to the chip shop and back with no incidents. T2 walks to the chip shop, gets bitten by a Chihuahua, falls into the arms of a handsome Nigerian doctor who irritates the livin’ daylights out of her, slaps him, then finally gets to the chip shop where she collapses! Then wakes up screaming ‘somebody call the ambulance’. Okay so I exaggerate a little but T2, she’s such drama; time simply speeds by when you are around her.

In our UNIX days, T2 had three names (read alter egos), T2, Samantha and Ngozi. Ngozi’s the Nigerian version of T2, the (famous) Lagos girls school’s product. Ngozi has a Nigerian accent and is often found with her a sharp object in her dishevelled brown tinted hair, scratching furiously and uttering orgasmic sounds (I kid you not). Other typical traits include unbuckling her trouser before or during a meal, scheming whilst chewing an empty mouth nosily and asking questions and answering them herself. Matter of fact, a typical convo with Ngozi goes like this:

Read Ngozi with the Lagos girl accent.

Ngozi: Coral, I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?
Coral: N…
Ngozi: I mean all I asked him to do was go from London to Birmingham (some 3hrs journey) and get me some chinese
Coral: Yeah, but…
Ngozi: I mean, that’s his problem if he got lost?
Coral: T2,…
Ngozi:That’s his business oh! In fact he shouldn’t call me anymore!
Coral: Oka…
Ngozi: After I didn’t do anything wrong. Or did I? I didn’t!
Coral: wry smile

Yep! That’s Ngozi right there. Samantha on the other hand is T2’s English counterpart. Samantha is very articulate with a fully fledged english accent. Samantha is the public face of T2 and she has a dress sense to kill… with heels to go with that sef. Yes oh. Occasionally Ngozi and Samantha interact cumulating into T2. In UNIX days T2 liked nothing better than charging full steam at an exasperated Nonny especially when we were meant to be revising for exam. I think it gave her some odd sense of relief. As you’d expect, Nonny’ bedroom was always in a state after those oestrogen driven moments whilst a calmed and sedate T2 sashayed home.

T2’s also the one who keeps me up till the wee hours of the morning…with marathon gists or lack of. Oh yes. I think that God called me to play a listening role with her perhaps in preparation for marriage, or people management or just life in general. So I have accepted it with as much grace as I can. T2 loves people but oddly enough she doesn’t like people, of course, this is a feat that only she can manage. T2 is rarely angry …rarely and in the same manner one can rarely be angered by her. T2 would read this and call me pretending to be angry but secretly she’d be flattered. She’d say something like ‘Coral, it’s not your fault! Is it your fault? Its noootttt!’ after which she’d proceed to update me on whatever havoc she has wrecked on her unsuspecting (and very patient) manager or colleague or sibling or friend. I could go on about T2 from now till forever and if I wanted to tell you more, Beta blogger would crash. So let’s move on…

TBC

Meet the girls...

I was thinking the other day that my girls are just like sisters to me in the way that Americans refer to as sister-friends. It’s kinda odd but I can hands-on-heart say that I love, enjoy and prefer the company of my girlfriends to a guy’s anytime. With all the girl-on-girl hating that goes on out there, it took me a while to realise that I and my group of friends had something special (No, not like that silly!). See, I only really took notice of this when a guy, who at the time was asking me out, ended up asking if I was a lesbian. His grouse was that I spent too much time with my girls and every time he wanted to go out, say to a party or so, I was always more interested in ‘reaching with the girls’ and if the girls were not interested then automatically I wasn’t. How I could ever have been mistaken for a lesbian perplexes me till date but…

See, for me, it was more fun with the girls cos we’d do the silliest things when we were together and catch jokes and that to me, easily beats ‘Mr sweaty’, trying get his ‘wyne on’ in a party. For none UK folx, wyning is the act of ‘Sweaty’ trying to rub his sweaty self every which way, on you.

Anyways, meet the girls:

Matt

Matt is this weird character that is excessively pretty. She has perfectly carved out features and we sometimes call her China doll. We have an inside joke about the ways she draws in the fellas, just like a magnet. When Mattie does her thing on the dance floor, you can see the men levitating towards her, I kid you not.

Matties exterior is one of calm and grace but inside, she’s a nutter. Like most of the girls, she’s prone to sudden outbursts usually of Ghanaian words such as ‘I re si!’ accompanied by rapping her nails on the nearest available object. She’s entertaining and the rest of us tend to stop and stare at her when she’s overcome by whatever it is that gets into her sometimes. Lol.

Character-wise, Matt’s outgoing (sometimes), strong-headed and resolute, she’s definitely not a pushover and once her mind is made, don’t bother. She’s also unusually quiet sometimes, well, until the next outburst anyway.

Madam T1

Madam T1 is a peculiar, some would even say strange, girl. She is the ‘stubborn-head’ of the group who acts like someone died and made her mother to us all. You never want to get into a debate with T1 cos she’d frustrate you very quickly. T1 can be quite traditional in her views (as in “Coral go and get married, you are getting old” kind of traditional) but I’m not sure if she does this just to anger the rest of us or not. Hard and as painful as this is, I have to admit that T1 is a great chick. She’s always laughing, usually at someone else’s’ expense but hey.

The general consensus within the group is that T1 has an undiagnosed hyperactivity disorder (which I must admit has been curbed to a little extent lately). T1 does not speak without being rude. Noooo, that would be asking for too much. Typically, T1 calls you and the first thing you hear is “Animal! What’s up?” "Why haven't you called me? cow!" Lol. Her favourite names for us include animal, fish, cow (this one is very popular) and I think she’s once referred to me as a hermaphrodite!!! She also attributes any perceived discretion by any of us as due to ‘lack of sexual frustration!’ Till date, none of us have quite worked out what this means.

Like quite a few of my friends, T1 is prone to sudden physical outbursts, the most popular being ‘rapidly clapping her hands, doubling over and shaking her bum right in front your face’. The first time it happened, I have to admit, I was distressed! But you live and learn. Sigh.

Baby Updates...

I know...I know...I said I'll do the friends post. I will, promise.

Still aint heard from Audi. Thank you Jesus.

Cute Naija brother with game also has '2 lovely daughters'. He thinks I should come meet up with him in Germany. 'Cough...Cough!' One would think it'll be so much easier (...and cheaper...) to post him some dolls for his girls, No?

Sang to my peeps this weekend and they all looked like they were pain...almost like they were being given some excrutiating treatment. Lol. Arrrgh, it can only go one way... up!

Miss Havisham's cats are not talking to her. ***Cough***

I have officially fallen in love with Donnie McClurkin. Like OMG, this man has some word and he tells it jus' the way it tis. He was talking about the 'word' this weekend and what can I say? Times of Refreshing.

Okay, friends...

Accidentally...

Hey yous, How are my favorite readers doing? Good to see and hear you liked the pics from Naija. I think I have just discovered me a new talent, accidentally.

Speaking of accidents, I have been having quite a few since I came back from Nigeria uhum...yes. Infact I declare that 'No weapon formed or fashioned against me can follow me past Murtala Mo'mmed'. N'gwa nu say Amen now?

For real tho', it just seems like too many mishaps have been straying dangerously close to my reef. From Financial accidents (that means...ah ne'er mind) to a car accident. Yes oh! Yours truly was doing the long dastardly commute to work on Wednesday when she saw a cyclist who looked like he'd been hit by a car. So this is on the A406...Londoners, you know what that road is like in the mornings, stop...go...stop...go...accident...swap insurance details ...go ...overtake ...stop ...undertake ...go. So as I was saying, whilst we stopping and going, I thought 'why don't just take a good look at the cyclist?'. At this point, the cyclist was being covered with a sheet...Might have been the cold, might have been that he had actually passed on. (I hope not tho'). Maybe I could have lent a helping hand even. So as I was craning my neck to get a better look...guess what? Bang! I had driven into the guy in front of me.

Now remember, I done told you I had had a few financial accidents already. So the dude in the car I hit comes out. I didn't even move. So he takes a look at his car and behold there lies a glorious dent. He comes over, all this time, yours truly is sitting quietly, not moving. He then comes over and the following ensues:

Dude: You just hit me.
Me with all the confidence I could muster:Hunh? (Duhhhh I really needed to be told that! Pshew!)
Me: Can we fix this without involving my Insurance company?
Dude's writing my car details by now. I'm struggling to present a calm exterior.
Dude: I dont know, its a courtesy car from Audi.
Me: Ose i we! (Ishan exclamation for 'God's not sleeping')
Dude: Pardon?
Me:Stutter-rapid think-despair...Oh nothing.
Dude: So who is your Insurer? You are insured right?
Me: My whole life and everything inside it!!!

See now, if it was the Dude's own car, I know a couple of mechys that could fix that easily. but Audi, see they charge you mega-bucks just for looking at your car. I know cos I have a friend who drives an Audi and each time he takes it for fixing at his dealers we talking £500 upwards. Oh, don't forget that my Insurance premium also goes up immediately my Insurer is aware I've had an accident. Needless to say, my brain didn't do anywork that day apart from mathematical calculations. I mean how broke can I get?

I called Audi, asked...no pleaded... with them not to contact my Insurers but to give me a figure. Dude couldn't take the car in that day for them to look at it as he had an important job to do so they said they'd get back to me the next day. Its been 2 days and they haven't contacted me so you guys pray with me that somehow, someway they'd forget or loose my details or something. Can I get an Amen on that!




The funniest part of everything is after some particularly hot tears had made their way to the front of my eyes, I was able to say 'Thank you Lord. Thanks because it could have been worse. Thanks because you said in all things, give thanks. And finally thanks because, accidentally, You can make Audi loose my details.'

At some point next week, I shall be blogging about my friends. My sister-friends. Make sure you catch that.

My people, how una dey o? I apologise for not putting up the rest of my naija pictures as promised. Actually, I did try last Saturday morning but someting inexplicable happened, something that can only be explained by an I.T guru, which I used to be until I graduated, but that's another story.

See right now, I'm having a scratch-my-head-moment wondering how all these folx with the wonderful blogs I read, find the time to update them. For real, some of these peeps update daily! Like... where do they find the time? Or what do you think? Do you reckon I need to take some time-management lessons? Perhaps that will help. Then again, I still have my saxophone lessons, elocution classes, Piano lessons, horseriding...infact scratch that complllleeeettttllllyyyy. I bet this is why my life seems soooo complicated. There I was spending hours on the phone with a certain friend of mine trying to figure out how life got so complex? Well, backup, okay, in actual fact, it was her doing the talking as usual and I was just had to infuse the conversation with the occasional 'yeah', 'uhm', 'thas right'. I think she was talking about something along the lines...err...err...erm...actually I dont quite remember. (I love you too T.) We concluded that life was complicated and that's all you need to know. Now where was I?

So I was going to come here and report all the wonderful and not so wonderful things I saw in Naija. You know, the divide between the wealthy and the poor, the blank stare of resignation that greeted me so many times, the very lame guys and their aggressive 'chirpsing' (toasting for non-Uk folx), the malls, the supermarkets and all vat but you know what? I'm not quite in that mood. Infact, I'm going to keep it positive. I'm more in the mood for some goss, you know like the light-skin lover I met at the conference. Uhhhh yeah...My people can you believe this brother had game. Okay...okay...I agree with you, that requires its own post.

Let do pictures...pictures...

Make I tell them di koko...Part 1

Make I tell di koko...make I tell them di koko.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKEtUpE9ra0&mode=related&search=

Ehen, I is back from the Nigeria. I don't even know where to start...maybe if I start reeling of my experiences, then I might be able to come up with some sort of coherent write up. Okay, let me gist you; D'banj's tongolo is massive in Nigeria, I mean I heard that song like a billion times a day, unfortunately I can't attach an audio file to this blog even tho' mo wa talented and all that... but if you look up the link, you will find and get addicted to it, very quickly.

Okay, maybe I should start by telling you how I felt like a 'villager/alien' in what should have been my home. Matter of fact, I've promised myself never to neglect my home for so long ever ever again. Ah mean, 10 years? What was I thinking of? I swear, I must have taken a picture of everything in sight on the first two days and that includes this lizard who was trying to mind his business at the Sheraton...

So, the first thing that struck me on arriving Nigeria is landscape view from the plane. Girls, you know how we go on hols and all the houses are all in rows and stuff, well Lagos seemed to have houses everywhere inc. the middle of some roads, I am not lying o. Anyway, so I got to the airport and everything went without a single hitch, no one asking for bribes or nothing. I'm thinking 'this is so cool'. And then I also saw someone I knew from London. She was with her siblings and they were quite entertaining cos they were doing their best to let everyone know that they were from London (nevermind that they had pseudo-nigerian accents, which others may refer as 'wannabe'). I mean they just didn't understand why their luggages wasn't amongst the first ones to come out on the belt? Rage...rage...rage. "I mean it should be here ini? "- err that'll be 'ini' as in innit.

Anyway, so I went out to look for my ride and the heat wasn't bad as many people describe...you know how they say the first thing that hits you is the heat...well, I was fine. There were all these people watching, some seemed to be waiting for guests, the others just seemed to be watching...I didn't quite understand what or why but anyway. Got to the car park and everything was fine, working properly and all...that was until we got out of the airport. I ain't trying to be funny and no offence peeps but Nigerian drivers are mad...I mean...this people cannot possible be all there. The pedestrians? ...ah, even madder...you should have seen the way they just walked unto the roads...nevermind oncoming cars...it was like 'death come get me'. So I was still being 'bush', still staring at any and everything...well, until a passenger in some bus winked and stuck his tongue at me...I decided to be a bit less obvious. Back to the drivers, as soon as there was a little holdup, they are straight unto the pedestrian walkways. Imagine the cab in the pic below mounting that kerb... ehen, now you get the picture.

At one point, the guy driving the car I was in, missed a pedestrian by centimetres, I screamed! and he looked at me like I was the abnormal one!?!

Anyway, so it was home. Had a good night rest after spraying what must have been an overdose of mosquito repellant. You know, I just hope I don't hear in two years time that the darned thing contains carcinogens otherwise I am sooooooo screwed. Flew to Abuja on the Sunday, the flight was nice...the only problem was, I kept on remembering that bad joke about the Nigerian airline, with boniface as the pilot and the bit where he announces that if people preferred, he could fly them straight into their residence (okay, if you ain't heard it, you need to hang out on the inty some more). Not a funny joke to remember when you are flying.

Abuja
Abuja was very nice. Infact the town area is beautiful. Comparable to any other major city imho. It had decent roads, street lights, pedestrian crossings, nice sight seeing areas ah mean, the works. First thing I thought was 'I could live here'. Of course, I put my camera to some hard work as evidence below:
The mosque which stands opposite the church below. It's meant to be a sign of solidarity. I say 'no comment'.





It's actually more beautiful than it looks in this picture.















Aso rock; All that needs to be done here, is clear out the vegetation. Put a cable car in and boom! you have a tourist destination akin to stone mountain. (ok so its a little bit more complicated than that but it has been done in cross rivers).








She's earning her living, keeping the streets clean. Good job.







The national stadium (...sharrap Tola! I know its a bad picture...)









Yes, its that house again! It crops up in nearly every diasporian nigerian pictures. Its ageing now though...







Be back with Part 2 in a little mo'

To God be the glory...Miss Havisham and I

Heeellllooo ha!

Ahem! My very first proper post! So I have led you to believe that I’m in search of my big story right? Good… what I didn’t tell you is, I’m also going to give you a free-hand in deciding which of my posts (is that what they are called?) is the real deal, the big one, ya know…the shiznit…feel me? (Ou non?) Well, if you know me, you can probably tell, I’m a bit excited. Oh yes, I am!

I’m excited because I have just concluded my very first assignment at my new (ish) job and discovered I’m not that bad at it, if I say so myself. I take exactly 50% credit for the job. Oh yes! Okay, so what if I played more of an apprentice role than a lead role? We (and by we, I mean myself, feeling very much like Pip, and Miss Havisham who is sat next to me (and God bless her cos' I luh' her) did it in the end, didn't we? So this assignment took all of 2 month's planning, reading and sorting through a truck load of documents, some serious grit from myself especially when Miss Havisham swung around in her chair (I'm not playin guys, she came verrry close to taking my right eye out! and I dont play with my right eye, cos it's my beautiful eye), sheerly determined to overcome the task. So, at this point, I am pondering if I should tell you more about Miss Havisham. I mean, can I really tell you that she lives with her two cats (...who dont cope very well with the heat in summer...) without being a gossip? 'Think tock'...'think tock'...'think tock' errr...I don't think so. Okay, I'll tell you the good bits:

I really like this woman, no really!. I must admit I haven't met any woman with such a dynamic blend of professionalism, determination, intellect, charm and sarcasm, of late. She is also one those very resolved women, which is something I endlessly admire, perhaps because I am not of that...how do you say it?...disposition, if you like. See I'm a more, trial-and-error-make-up-your-mind-as-you-go-along kinda girl and I have to say if not for the Father up there, who knows where I could have been at this time? Guantamo bay?, in some carribbean island with Joe trying to get a groove (nevermind trying to get my groove back), studying medicine?...Ouuuhh... I shudder at the thought. But then again, if you are reading this, you are probably the a trial-and-error-blah-di-blah kinda person too, cos you are probably a friend and they do say birds of a (the same) feather...

Anywho, I digressed. What I really had to say was, I had a brilliant day at work, and I feel like I have achieved something and I'm learning lots and lots and as always, all credit goes back to God-my Father. For He knows the plans He has for me," as He declares, "plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future. Jer. 29:11 Think abourrit.

Corals-reef

Okay, 5,4,3,2,1...and its live!!!!